I was talking with a client the other day. For the last few weeks we’d been discussing the (under) performance of one of his team and what it would take to get her back on track. The client had tried a number of strategies and was frustrated. This meeting started really well when he told me that the team member had completely turned things around. The obvious question was ‘what did you do?’
“I yelled at her.”
Now, if you’re like me and your life revolves around managing people and trying to get the best out of them, then you probably just got that sinking feeling in your stomach – the same way I did when my client said this directly to my face. But after some deliberation, I couldn’t help but wonder:
Have we gone too far in trying to nurture our staff? Do we mother them too much and wrap them up in bubble wrap because we’re so keen to engage them and so worried about losing them?
I know that many people say the same thing about the way we raise our kids these days, so you can’t help but wonder – are they right?
Now, I’m not necessarily condoning this, or yelling, but I’m just asking the question, so let’s look for the positives in getting angry at our staff. And I can think of only one – but it’s a big one.
Evolution has primed us to form our greatest memories with negative emotions and fearful situations.
Our limbic system (the ‘emotional’ system) is very densely linked to the hippocampus, which is responsible for coding long-term memories. Now, this logically means that any high emotional state would have a direct impact on memories, but because the emotional system has a stronger reaction to negative emotions than positive ones, it is the negative emotion that creates the most vivid memories. This is quite possibly the explanation as to why we can all remember where we were and what we were doing – vividly – when something catastrophic happens – the Twin Towers or JFK’s assassination for example.
So, maybe, just maybe, when we stay calm, and gently coach people – and, dare I say it, coddle them when we are trying to correct their behaviour – maybe we are doing them an injustice because the memory won’t be as profound about the mistake they’ve made.
Once again, I’m not condoning the behaviour. I’m just trying to think about it objectively. I know this will probably polarize some people, but maybe it’ll also stir up some thought.
Maybe there’s a time, every now and then, when being angry is the most useful tool we can use.
What do you think?
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